When it comes time to finding child care, some families turn to grandparents or other relatives. And while some family members can be great nannies, it’s not always a perfect solution. Issues, such as disparate child care philosophies, can arise.
Here are five things to consider before asking family members to care for your child.
- Rules and Expectations
Grandmas are used to spoiling kids on a regular basis and may have completely different ideas about how to raise kids. But a regular nanny needs to enforce your discipline and behavior rules. Is your family member okay with that? Kids need consistency and authority.To curb this issue, Deb Moberly, Ph.D., founder of the St. Louis-based early childhood education consulting firm Children 1st, suggests talking it out. “Rules should be jointly agreed upon,” she says. “Sleeping, eating and toileting are all important routines, and so much easier if you and the family member agree and are doing the same thing.”
With consistent rules in place, child care providers and parents can agree on cohesive and collaborative ways to raise children.
- Schedules
Whether it’s a family member caring for your child or a professional nanny, you need to come up with a schedule and stay firm. Just because your sister is the one caring for your child, you shouldn’t abuse this big favor by coming home late or changing the days/times at the last minute. And your sister should respect your agreement and schedule as well.Decide in advance how often and on what days the family member wants to sit. And talk about flexibility: what happens if you need to work late or leave early? What will happen if your relative gets sick? After a schedule has been created, everyone should respect it.
- Don’t Forget About Taxes
Many families don’t realize it, but unless the relative is your parent (including stepparent or in-law), the IRS says you should treat them like any other nanny for tax purposes. That means if they earn $2,100 or more working for you during the calendar year, Social Security and Medicare (FICA) taxes must be withheld from their pay. Income taxes — while not explicitly required to be withheld — should be to make things easier on your relative. FICA and federal and state unemployment taxes will also have to be paid by you.“It feels weird to give a W-4 to your brother or Aunt so you can figure out how much in income taxes to withhold, but that is the way the law works,” says Tom Breedlove, director of Care.com HomePay.” The good news is, tax breaks are available to most families to help offset their tax costs and make the work worth it.”
- Family Gatherings
Relative caregivers are going to see the children at holidays and other family gatherings, leaving the question of who should care for and discipline the child on these occasions. Talk to your relatives to avoid any awkwardness and so they know you’re in charge and they’re “off duty.” Make sure your child understands as well.
- Payment and Appreciation
Don’t forget to show your relative caregiver appreciation. Whether or not your family member/nanny requests monetary payment, it’s always good practice to show that you’re not taking that loved one for granted. Offer payment, but if it’s declined, make sure to give things like extra-special holiday and birthday gifts. And don’t underestimate the power of a simple “thank you” on a regular basis.Here are 52 Ways to Thank Your Nanny (whether they’re a family member or a professional).
In family caregiving situations, remember to create space for dialogue, respect boundaries and build trust to ensure that you, your children and your family member caregiver maintain your relationships. If you get along well with your relatives, then they generally will be good caregivers for your kids.
Alicia Bones started working as a writer after graduating from college in 2010. Bones graduated with a master’s degree in English from the University of Iowa in 2013. Her writing has appeared on Matador Network, USA Today and The Nest Woman.