When you’re babysitting, the kids can either be on their best behavior … or their worst. What kind of discipline techniques can a babysitter use when the kids in her care just don’t care? The first rule of thumb: talk to the parents before an issue even comes up.
“You need to know what they’re comfortable with, what kind of issues you might expect to see and how they want you to handle it,” says Nancy Bradley, a day care provider in Madison, Wisconsin, since 1986, who watches infants, toddlers and school-aged kids — and has seen it all. “But, as a babysitter, I don’t believe it’s your job to use discipline in a punishing way.” Instead, Bradley generally turns to reward-based discipline.
Here are five common scenarios in which Bradley has turned a frustrating situation around:
1. Kids are battling over the same toy
Bradley steps in before anger and tears set in, and asks if the two can figure out how to share. If they can’t come to a resolution, she takes away the toy until the two children can decide if they want to take turns or not. This keeps you from taking sides and shows them there are consequences to their fighting. If they had worked it out themselves, they would still be able to play, she says.
2. They don’t want to clean up
When Bradley announces a tidy-up time, she rarely gets a helpful response. So she waits. And waits. Sometimes she uses humor. “Is anyone paying attention to me?” she asks in a singsong voice. She doesn’t move until one child starts picking up toys and then she compliments the first helper to the moon and back. Inevitably, each child then starts to help, wanting their own words of praise. “That way, you’re not going negative,” she says. Instead, you’re rewarding good behavior — one of the positive discipline techniques.
3. A toddler on the verge of a tantrum
If you can see the kid in your care is getting more and more frustrated, don’t follow their lead. Instead, distract them. Moving to a different room, or better yet, outside, can instantly change the mood, Bradley says. “This works best with younger kids,” she says. If a tantrum still occurs? Wait it out. Stay in sight of the child and make sure they are safe. Above all: Stay calm and don’t argue. This too shall pass.
4. The kids don’t want to go to bed
Bradley finds kids do much better if they’re given plenty of warning that a transition time, like bedtime, is near. Let the kids know when there’s 10 minutes left in the evening. Then five. Then three. Using a timer is effective, she says. But if children still aren’t settled down or are reluctant to sleep, she suggests pulling out a piece of paper and writing down the bedtime routine so they can cross off items one by one. Even children who can’t read find that process rewarding, she says. She also suggested offering a reward, like a final bedtime story, if the children settle into bed without trouble.
5. A child who hits
Whether the target is you or another child, hitting in anger is unacceptable. Make sure the child knows this by getting down to their level, using a firm voice and using simple words, like “We don’t hit.” If a child remains angry, Bradley will give them “a time away” so they can regain control of their emotions. Make sure parents are OK with that concept before utilizing a timeout or time away, she says.
Above all, remain calm and positive, Bradley says. “Don’t you forget — and don’t let them forget — you’re the one in charge,” she says. If you want more guidance on how to discipline children that aren’t your own (but you’re still responsible for), take a look at How a Nanny Should Discipline Your Kids.
