Walking the aisles of your local toy store, you may notice the great gender divide — all the toys for boys are on the right, all the toys for girls on the left. Is the line between games for girls and boys really this distinct? When you’re shopping for both girls and boys — or you simply don’t want to limit your children’s choices — this divisiveness can be frustrating. Researchers who study gender stereotypes emphasize the importance of boys and girls playing together. So how do you make that happen?
Melissa Atkins Wardy, the founder of the clothing line Pigtail Pals and Ballcap Buddies and author of “Redefining Girly,” says, “Opportunities for boys and girls to see each other as equals and good friend material are so important.” After all, they’ll need to navigate personal and professional relationships with all sorts of people — including those of the opposite sex. These games for girls and boys to play together encourage cooperation and inclusion:
- Run a “Store” or “Hospital”
When a group of girls and boys play together, sometimes they will fall into stereotypical roles, according to David Sadker, a national motivational speaker, author and co-author of “Still Failing at Fairness.” Boys often take active roles, such as group leader, whereas girls take passive roles, such as scorekeeper. Sadker recommends rotating roles to encourage both girls and boys to take more active positions. A game of “store” or “hospital” allows kids to choose roles for themselves. Encourage each child to take a turn at playing the store manager or head surgeon in addition to taking a role as the store’s cashier or the nurse who checks a patient’s blood pressure.
- Test Roles with Puppets
One way to “try on” different roles is to have the children put on a puppet show and act out different scenarios. Children love pretend play, and in rehearsing and performing, they express their many different values and principles. Even very young children may have preconceived notions about gender, and the way you present the activity can help challenge those. Puppets such as those offered by Dexter Educational Toys feature men and women in both traditional and non-traditional roles (for example, a male police officer and a female judge). Wardy recommends that all play areas (toy kitchens, for example) welcome both girls and boys.
- Play Video Games
Video games have a reputation for creating isolation, but modern video games paint an entirely different picture. Cooperative video games can promote social interaction and group problem solving. Little Big Planet 3 provides a co-op mode, where players work together to complete challenges. Or, you might let your kids try New Super Mario Bros. U, which allows up to four people to play simultaneously and work together, utilizing the strengths of each of the characters, one of which is female. Neither game has graphics or themes that appeal strongly to one gender or the other.
- Try Traditional Tag with a Twist
Sports have the potential to build good cooperative relationships between girls and boys. However, Sadker warns of one divisive practice — pitting boys against girls. “It creates in people’s minds ‘the other,'” he says. Another option is to forego teams in favor of sports where children compete individually. Whiz Tag is a sporty game that also teaches math. To play, give each child a secret number from one to 10. Have the children run around and try to tag one another. When one child tags another, the one with the higher number earns points equal to the opponent’s number. The game can run for any length of time of your choosing. At the end, the player with the most points wins.
In a world that tends to divide people by differences, finding gender-neutral activities can be a challenge. But with some careful planning, you can plan games for girls and boys to play together that will help them overcome the “pink” and “blue” biases found with kids’ toys.
Read more about gender roles and children’s play in Gender Roles and Children.
Amanda Spencer is a mom of four, including boys and girls who love to play games together.
